Adult Jokes

Displaying 9-16 of 1033 results.
Aug
18
2014

Sex karne ke bad ladka- Darling kuch dino bad


Sex karne ke bad ladka- Darling kuch dino bad tumhe shayad vo hoga jise dunia bacha kehti hai,
Ladki- Tumhe shyad vo hoga jise dunia AIDS kehte hai.
?????????????????
Border Par Jung Shuru Ho Gyi.

Santa : Major Sahab Mai Dushmano Ki Maa Chod Dunga !

Major: Bhosdike, Dushman Marne Hai,
Paida Nahi Karne.:D:D
?????????????????
70 Saal Ka Budha Doctor Se Milne Gaya Aur Pucha

Budha: ?Dr. Saab, Meri Umar Mein S*x Style Kya Hona Chahiye??

Dr: ?Dogy Style?

Budha Confuse Hoke: ?Aapka Matlab Piche Se??

Dr: ?Nahi, Sirf Soonghna Aur Chaatna?:D:D
?????????????????
Ek Dost Apne Dusre Dost Ke Bete Ki Birthday Party Pe Gaya Aur Uss Se Puchha.

Dost: ?Yaar Tune Ape Bete Ka Naam Nirodh Kumar Kyu Rakha Hai??

Dusra Dost: ?Yaar Main Apni Wife Ke Sath S*x Kar Raha Tha, Cxndom Slipp Hoke Ander Chala Gaya, Aur Uski Wajah Se Ye Hua, Isliye?.:D:D
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Bhakt: ?Baba Lxnd Kaisa Hota Hai??

Baba: ?Koi Mota, Koi Patla, Koi Lambha, Koi Chhota, Koi Bada, Koi Sakhat, Koi Mulayam.?

Bhakat: ?Baba Lagta Hai Aap Sari Zindgi G##nd Hi Marwate Rahe Ho?.:D:D
?????????????????
Harami Baccha
12 year old Boy 2 Lady: Chalo Ch#dai Kartey Hain.

Lady: Tum Itney Cyhotey Ho,
Meri Jawaani Ka Bojh Kaise Uthaoge?

Boy: Jaanu! Chuha Bori Utha Nahi Sakta,
Magar Faad To Sakta Hai.:D:D
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Pathan Ki Biwi Kisi Gair Mard Se Chudai Karte Hue Boli.

Biwi: ?Tum 19ve Aadmi Ho Jis Se Main Thukwa Rahi Hoon

Premi: ?Kya Pathan Nahi Thokta??

Biwi: ?Nahi, Woh Sirf Usi Ki Thokta Hai Jo Mujhe Thokta Hai?..:D:D
??????????????
Ek Ladki Ka Birthday Tha.

Uske Boy Friend Ne Pucha: ?Bolo Tumhe Kya Gift Chahiye??

Ladki Apni Aankhon Mein Pyar Bhar Ke Boli: ?Janu, Koi Esi Cheez Do Jo Tum De Na Sako Aur Mein Le Na Saku?

Ladka Apni Pant Utar Ke Bola: ?Le Meri G##nd Mar Le?.:D:D
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Aadmi Apni Naukrani Ke Saath Sex Kar Raha Thha

Naukrani Ko Sawad Aa Raha Tha Boli: ?Aur Karo?

Aadmi Bola: ?Recharge Khatam Ho Gaya?

Piche Se Aadmi Ka Chota Beta Apna Lund Nikalkar Bola

Beta: ?Daddy Chinta Na Karo, Abhi Vodafone Ka Chota Recharge Hai?.:D:D

Submitted By : Govind singh
Place : Kanpur
7 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Ek bachcha ghar pe apn homework kar raha tha


Ek bachcha ghar pe apn homework kar raha tha tabhi uski pencil neeche gir jaati hai. Vo bachacha apni chest pe hath rakh ke pencil uthane ke liye jhukta hai.

Bachche ka Dad: Chest pe haath kyun rakha????

Bachha: Dad, Mujhe darr lag raha tha isliye.

Dad: Darr? Kaisa darr??!!!

Bachha: School mein madam bina haath rakhe jhuki thi, un ke dono lungs bahar aa gaye the...!!!!

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
19 Likes
5 Dislikes
Rating :   21 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Kripya Holi wale din inka wahi matlab


Kripya Holi wale din... inka wahi matlab samajhiyega jo bachpan mein samajhte the...

Main geeli ho gayi yaar.

Aur kahi pe bhi lagalo... bas muh pe mat lagana...

Don't touch my balloons.

Kapde mat faad, mein dalwa rahi hun na.

Achha baba, lo laga lo.

Awwwww.. you made me wet.

Ek ek karke lagao yaar.

Tel laga kar ana, warna nahin jayega.

Yaar mere gubaare mei chhed hai.

Hold my pichkari while I blow your balloons.

She: "Your pichkari is not working".
He: "Blow it from front and then try again."

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
15 Likes
5 Dislikes
Rating :   10 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Ek husband and wife bister par lete hue the


Ek husband and wife bister par lete hue the. Achanak husband ka sex karne ka man hua.

Husband apni wife se puchta hai: Darling, kya mein apne ummeedwaar ko tumhaare ilaake mein khada kar sakte hai???

Wife neend mein thi, vo gusse se boli: Nahi.... Bilkul nahin



Husband bechaara chup ho gya lekin us se cntrol nahi hora tha... isliye vo hila ke so gya.

Thodi der baad wife boli: Sory dear! Aap apna ummeedwaar humare ilaake mein khada kar sakte ho.

Husband bola: Ab koi jarurat nahi hai, hamare ummeedwaar ne Congress ke sath gathbandhan kar liya hai.

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
11 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   9 Votes


Aug
13
2014

At heathrow airport an announcement goes out


At heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address system: Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to the Reception desk.

Ranchhod bhai Karsandas, who has just arrived from Surat , goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist. The following conversation must go into the history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhod bhai: Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod...

Receptionist: Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas.....

Ranchhod bhai: Arrey Bhenchod ! I am NOT Madar chod!

Receptionist: So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?

Ranchhod bhai (now really really pissed off): Chootia teri! I am Ranchhod....

Receptionist: Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Teri then?

Whereupon, a Chinese gentleman ambles up to the Reception and asks: Were you calling me?

Receptionist: Now, who are you?

Chinese: I am Choo Tia......

Ranchhod bhai decides to fly back to Surat !

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
15 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   11 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Types of Orgasms


Types of Orgasms
1. The Optimist: Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes...... !!!

2. The Pessimist: Oh No, Oh No, Oh No...... !!!

3. The Confused: Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No...... !!!

4. The Traveller: Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming...... !!!

5. The Religious: Oh God, Oh God...... !!!

6. The User: Ahh, More, More, More...... !!!

7. The Murderer / Mafia :Ahh, If you take it out, I'll kill you...... !!!

8. The Submariner:- Mmm...Ohhh...Deeper...Deeper... Go Deeper...... !!!

9. Classical Indian orgasm: Nahi... Nahiiii.. Naahiiiiinnnnn...... !!!

10. Rock 'n' Roll Orgasm: Oh baby oh yeah, oh baby...... !!!

11. Heavy Metal Orgasm: Yaa Come on Honey.... F**k me hard... Yeahh Babby !!..... come on...... !!!

12. Grand Maratha Orgasm: Aai Ga... aayi aaayi... Aaayiii gaa...... !!!

13. Parsi Orgasm: Oh mummy mummy mummy...... !!!

14. Gujju Orgasm: Oh Bhagwan... mari gai... mari gai... aaahh...... !!!

15. South Indian Orgasm: Aaiiyo... Aaiiyo... Aaiyayyooo...... !!!

16. Bong Orgasm: Oodi baba! Ooooddddiiiiiii baaaa baaaba...... !!!

17. Rajasthani Orgasm: O Thaari...... !!!

18. Punjabi Orgasm: Chal utar ja kaminey, mainu hor vi kaam HAIN !

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
12 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Non-Veg tym Veg kripya door rahe


Non-Veg tym, Veg. kripya? door rahe.......
Cannot beat this one.

Ek ladki ki shadi papu se tay ho gayi. Lekin uska already dusre ladke se affair chal raha tha.

Boy: tujhe papu se shadi karni hai to kar le koi problem nahi hai. Bas ek baar mere se sax krwa le. Bohot kharcha ho gaya hai tujhe ghumaane me.

Ladki maan gayi aur sex ka din aur time decide ho gaya. Sex se just pehle ladke ko yaad aaya k condom to ghar pe hi bhool gaya. Usne ladki ko plastic ki theli laga k sex kr diya. Sex k baad pata chala k theli ladki ki vgina me hi reh gayi.

Finally ladki ki shadi hui. Suhagraat par jaise hi papu ne apna penis daala aur jhatkey marey to theli bahar aa gayi.
Ladki ki gaand fat k haath me aa gayi.
Fir bhi badi himmat kar ke wo boli: dekhte kya ho ji? tumhe nahi pata, pahli baar sex krte waqt aisi jhilli fat ke bahar aati hai.

Papu ne theli ko dekha aur fir ladki ki taraf dekha.

Ladki: mera vishwaas karo ji. Main sach keh rahi hu aisa hota hai? aap kya soch rahe ho???

Papu: wo sab to theek hai bhenchod?. Main ye soch raha hu????. is par

?AGARWAL SWEETS kyu likha hua hai??????
???

Submitted By : J.MAHI
Place : mumbai
16 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   8 Votes


Jul
19
2014

I bet u havent heard this one This is damn funny


I bet u haven't heard this one... This is damn funny...??

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 47, "the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you.

"While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.

"They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

He bounces and weighs each breast.

He gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says,"Okay, okay,...how old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's...!!!"
??????

Submitted By : Macc
Place : Thane
22 Likes
5 Dislikes
Rating :   13 Votes