Adult Jokes

Displaying 1-8 of 1026 results.
Aug
19
2014

Gf-ye kya


Gf-ye kya?
condom kaha hai?

Bf-srprize, aaj bina condom ke hi krenge,

Gf-madrchod, agr 9mhine baad main srprize dungi to lawde jaisi shakal mat banana'"?


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Girl frnd: Tumne mere Boobs Chus-Chus ke bade kar diye

Boy frnd: Pagli Aisa hota to mera lund Gutne tak pahuch gaya hota aur Muje Condom ki jagah Cycle ki Tube lagani padti.??....

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?
? BOLDEST PROPOSAL:

Ladka Ladki ke Baap Se:
"Mai Aapki Beti ka Haath Mangne Aaya Hu..!!

Baap: "Kyu ??

Ladka: "Kyunki ab Mera Haath thak Chuka Hai...

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Son : Mummy aap papa ke upar baith kar jump Q karti ho?

Mom : Unke pet ki hawa nikalti hoon.

Son : Kya fayda, kaamwali aunty papa ki pant utarkar muh lagakar phir se bhar deti hai... ??

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Pota- Dadaji ye condom kya hota hai?

Dadaji- Chal Bhag, Mujhe Nahi Pata.

Pota- Main Janta tha Buddhe, Tujhe pata hota to aaj PROPERTY ke 14 tukde nahi hote..

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Santa Kamwali ko ched raha tha.

Kamwali: Battamizi mat kar, MOR bana dungi.

Santa: Murga banate suna tha. Mor kaise banate hai.

Kamwali: Gand me ulti zadu daal ke.

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A lady lost her Panties in the park.

She made her Dog smell her Pussy and to go and search for it.

The Confused Dog came back with Dozens of Used Condoms!

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Question: Why Do Girls Put On Weight After sex?

Ans: Bcoz every banana has 108 calories..

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1 ladki Bina sex kare srdar se paise leke bhag gai....

Srdar ne paper me add diya-

1 ladki 5'3, rang gora,
nam Rani. bhen ki lodi, jise mile chod do, payment ho chuki hai.

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Ek baar ek aadmi ke PENIS pe madhu-makkhi kaat gayi.
He goes to DR with his wife.

Wife sharmate hue,

"Sirf Dard ki Dawa Dena'
Sujan Rehne Dena

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Sindhi's Son: Papa mere dur ki nazar kharab ho gayi hai, naye SPECS banwa do... !

Sindhi : woh kya hai aasman mai?

Sindhi's son: Papa woh chand hai.

Sindhi: Isse dur kya bhenchod pariyo ki gaand dekhega???

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Teacher: What is the opposite of laughing?

Pappu: Fucking!

Teacher: Shame on you! How is that?

Pappu: Laughing is ha ha ha ha and fucking is ah ah ah ah!!!

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Sex krte time Wife> Dhire dhire Malgaadi Mat Chalao.Jor-Jor se Shatabdi Chlao.

Bachcha Palang se Gira or Bola> 'MAKA BHOSDA'Jo Marzi Ho Chalao Par Savari to mat girao.

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Aishwarya rai Bachchan has filed copy right case against Pepsi for using her bedroom lines "Oh Yes Abhi!"

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Madam 1day in class

A 4 apple

B 4 bat

C 4 cat
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..
...
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L 4 lund
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Sorry bachcho muh se nikal gaya.

Bache: koi bat nahi madam vapas muh me le lo!

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Submitted By : Govind singh
Place : Kanpur
10 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   2 Votes


Aug
18
2014

Sex karne ke bad ladka- Darling kuch dino bad


Sex karne ke bad ladka- Darling kuch dino bad tumhe shayad vo hoga jise dunia bacha kehti hai,
Ladki- Tumhe shyad vo hoga jise dunia AIDS kehte hai.
?????????????????
Border Par Jung Shuru Ho Gyi.

Santa : Major Sahab Mai Dushmano Ki Maa Chod Dunga !

Major: Bhosdike, Dushman Marne Hai,
Paida Nahi Karne.:D:D
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70 Saal Ka Budha Doctor Se Milne Gaya Aur Pucha

Budha: ?Dr. Saab, Meri Umar Mein S*x Style Kya Hona Chahiye??

Dr: ?Dogy Style?

Budha Confuse Hoke: ?Aapka Matlab Piche Se??

Dr: ?Nahi, Sirf Soonghna Aur Chaatna?:D:D
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Ek Dost Apne Dusre Dost Ke Bete Ki Birthday Party Pe Gaya Aur Uss Se Puchha.

Dost: ?Yaar Tune Ape Bete Ka Naam Nirodh Kumar Kyu Rakha Hai??

Dusra Dost: ?Yaar Main Apni Wife Ke Sath S*x Kar Raha Tha, Cxndom Slipp Hoke Ander Chala Gaya, Aur Uski Wajah Se Ye Hua, Isliye?.:D:D
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Bhakt: ?Baba Lxnd Kaisa Hota Hai??

Baba: ?Koi Mota, Koi Patla, Koi Lambha, Koi Chhota, Koi Bada, Koi Sakhat, Koi Mulayam.?

Bhakat: ?Baba Lagta Hai Aap Sari Zindgi G##nd Hi Marwate Rahe Ho?.:D:D
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Harami Baccha
12 year old Boy 2 Lady: Chalo Ch#dai Kartey Hain.

Lady: Tum Itney Cyhotey Ho,
Meri Jawaani Ka Bojh Kaise Uthaoge?

Boy: Jaanu! Chuha Bori Utha Nahi Sakta,
Magar Faad To Sakta Hai.:D:D
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Pathan Ki Biwi Kisi Gair Mard Se Chudai Karte Hue Boli.

Biwi: ?Tum 19ve Aadmi Ho Jis Se Main Thukwa Rahi Hoon

Premi: ?Kya Pathan Nahi Thokta??

Biwi: ?Nahi, Woh Sirf Usi Ki Thokta Hai Jo Mujhe Thokta Hai?..:D:D
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Ek Ladki Ka Birthday Tha.

Uske Boy Friend Ne Pucha: ?Bolo Tumhe Kya Gift Chahiye??

Ladki Apni Aankhon Mein Pyar Bhar Ke Boli: ?Janu, Koi Esi Cheez Do Jo Tum De Na Sako Aur Mein Le Na Saku?

Ladka Apni Pant Utar Ke Bola: ?Le Meri G##nd Mar Le?.:D:D
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Aadmi Apni Naukrani Ke Saath Sex Kar Raha Thha

Naukrani Ko Sawad Aa Raha Tha Boli: ?Aur Karo?

Aadmi Bola: ?Recharge Khatam Ho Gaya?

Piche Se Aadmi Ka Chota Beta Apna Lund Nikalkar Bola

Beta: ?Daddy Chinta Na Karo, Abhi Vodafone Ka Chota Recharge Hai?.:D:D

Submitted By : Govind singh
Place : Kanpur
7 Likes
0 Dislikes
Rating :   2 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Ek bachcha ghar pe apn homework kar raha tha


Ek bachcha ghar pe apn homework kar raha tha tabhi uski pencil neeche gir jaati hai. Vo bachacha apni chest pe hath rakh ke pencil uthane ke liye jhukta hai.

Bachche ka Dad: Chest pe haath kyun rakha????

Bachha: Dad, Mujhe darr lag raha tha isliye.

Dad: Darr? Kaisa darr??!!!

Bachha: School mein madam bina haath rakhe jhuki thi, un ke dono lungs bahar aa gaye the...!!!!

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
19 Likes
4 Dislikes
Rating :   21 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Kripya Holi wale din inka wahi matlab


Kripya Holi wale din... inka wahi matlab samajhiyega jo bachpan mein samajhte the...

Main geeli ho gayi yaar.

Aur kahi pe bhi lagalo... bas muh pe mat lagana...

Don't touch my balloons.

Kapde mat faad, mein dalwa rahi hun na.

Achha baba, lo laga lo.

Awwwww.. you made me wet.

Ek ek karke lagao yaar.

Tel laga kar ana, warna nahin jayega.

Yaar mere gubaare mei chhed hai.

Hold my pichkari while I blow your balloons.

She: "Your pichkari is not working".
He: "Blow it from front and then try again."

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
14 Likes
4 Dislikes
Rating :   9 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Ek husband and wife bister par lete hue the


Ek husband and wife bister par lete hue the. Achanak husband ka sex karne ka man hua.

Husband apni wife se puchta hai: Darling, kya mein apne ummeedwaar ko tumhaare ilaake mein khada kar sakte hai???

Wife neend mein thi, vo gusse se boli: Nahi.... Bilkul nahin



Husband bechaara chup ho gya lekin us se cntrol nahi hora tha... isliye vo hila ke so gya.

Thodi der baad wife boli: Sory dear! Aap apna ummeedwaar humare ilaake mein khada kar sakte ho.

Husband bola: Ab koi jarurat nahi hai, hamare ummeedwaar ne Congress ke sath gathbandhan kar liya hai.

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
11 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   8 Votes


Aug
13
2014

At heathrow airport an announcement goes out


At heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address system: Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to the Reception desk.

Ranchhod bhai Karsandas, who has just arrived from Surat , goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist. The following conversation must go into the history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhod bhai: Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod...

Receptionist: Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas.....

Ranchhod bhai: Arrey Bhenchod ! I am NOT Madar chod!

Receptionist: So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?

Ranchhod bhai (now really really pissed off): Chootia teri! I am Ranchhod....

Receptionist: Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Teri then?

Whereupon, a Chinese gentleman ambles up to the Reception and asks: Were you calling me?

Receptionist: Now, who are you?

Chinese: I am Choo Tia......

Ranchhod bhai decides to fly back to Surat !

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
13 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   10 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Types of Orgasms


Types of Orgasms
1. The Optimist: Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes...... !!!

2. The Pessimist: Oh No, Oh No, Oh No...... !!!

3. The Confused: Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No...... !!!

4. The Traveller: Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming...... !!!

5. The Religious: Oh God, Oh God...... !!!

6. The User: Ahh, More, More, More...... !!!

7. The Murderer / Mafia :Ahh, If you take it out, I'll kill you...... !!!

8. The Submariner:- Mmm...Ohhh...Deeper...Deeper... Go Deeper...... !!!

9. Classical Indian orgasm: Nahi... Nahiiii.. Naahiiiiinnnnn...... !!!

10. Rock 'n' Roll Orgasm: Oh baby oh yeah, oh baby...... !!!

11. Heavy Metal Orgasm: Yaa Come on Honey.... F**k me hard... Yeahh Babby !!..... come on...... !!!

12. Grand Maratha Orgasm: Aai Ga... aayi aaayi... Aaayiii gaa...... !!!

13. Parsi Orgasm: Oh mummy mummy mummy...... !!!

14. Gujju Orgasm: Oh Bhagwan... mari gai... mari gai... aaahh...... !!!

15. South Indian Orgasm: Aaiiyo... Aaiiyo... Aaiyayyooo...... !!!

16. Bong Orgasm: Oodi baba! Ooooddddiiiiiii baaaa baaaba...... !!!

17. Rajasthani Orgasm: O Thaari...... !!!

18. Punjabi Orgasm: Chal utar ja kaminey, mainu hor vi kaam HAIN !

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
12 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   3 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Non-Veg tym Veg kripya door rahe


Non-Veg tym, Veg. kripya? door rahe.......
Cannot beat this one.

Ek ladki ki shadi papu se tay ho gayi. Lekin uska already dusre ladke se affair chal raha tha.

Boy: tujhe papu se shadi karni hai to kar le koi problem nahi hai. Bas ek baar mere se sax krwa le. Bohot kharcha ho gaya hai tujhe ghumaane me.

Ladki maan gayi aur sex ka din aur time decide ho gaya. Sex se just pehle ladke ko yaad aaya k condom to ghar pe hi bhool gaya. Usne ladki ko plastic ki theli laga k sex kr diya. Sex k baad pata chala k theli ladki ki vgina me hi reh gayi.

Finally ladki ki shadi hui. Suhagraat par jaise hi papu ne apna penis daala aur jhatkey marey to theli bahar aa gayi.
Ladki ki gaand fat k haath me aa gayi.
Fir bhi badi himmat kar ke wo boli: dekhte kya ho ji? tumhe nahi pata, pahli baar sex krte waqt aisi jhilli fat ke bahar aati hai.

Papu ne theli ko dekha aur fir ladki ki taraf dekha.

Ladki: mera vishwaas karo ji. Main sach keh rahi hu aisa hota hai? aap kya soch rahe ho???

Papu: wo sab to theek hai bhenchod?. Main ye soch raha hu????. is par

?AGARWAL SWEETS kyu likha hua hai??????
???

Submitted By : J.MAHI
Place : mumbai
16 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   8 Votes