Adult Jokes

Displaying 1-8 of 1021 results.
Aug
13
2014

At heathrow airport an announcement goes out


At heathrow airport, an announcement goes out over the Public Address system: Mr.Rand Chod Kar Sandaas! Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas - please report to the Reception desk.

Ranchhod bhai Karsandas, who has just arrived from Surat , goes red with anger. He goes to the reception, and shouts loudly to the English receptionist. The following conversation must go into the history books of cock-ups:

Ranchhod bhai: Madar Chod ! I am Ranchhod...

Receptionist: Mr. Madar Chod Rand Chod ? Sir, that is not the name I have here. I have Mr. Rand Chod Kar Sandaas.....

Ranchhod bhai: Arrey Bhenchod ! I am NOT Madar chod!

Receptionist: So are you Mr. R.A. Ben or Mr. R.A. Chod? Is your surname Ben or Chod ?

Ranchhod bhai (now really really pissed off): Chootia teri! I am Ranchhod....

Receptionist: Excellent sir, so who is Chootia Teri then?

Whereupon, a Chinese gentleman ambles up to the Reception and asks: Were you calling me?

Receptionist: Now, who are you?

Chinese: I am Choo Tia......

Ranchhod bhai decides to fly back to Surat !

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
8 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   2 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Types of Orgasms


Types of Orgasms
1. The Optimist: Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes...... !!!

2. The Pessimist: Oh No, Oh No, Oh No...... !!!

3. The Confused: Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No...... !!!

4. The Traveller: Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming...... !!!

5. The Religious: Oh God, Oh God...... !!!

6. The User: Ahh, More, More, More...... !!!

7. The Murderer / Mafia :Ahh, If you take it out, I'll kill you...... !!!

8. The Submariner:- Mmm...Ohhh...Deeper...Deeper... Go Deeper...... !!!

9. Classical Indian orgasm: Nahi... Nahiiii.. Naahiiiiinnnnn...... !!!

10. Rock 'n' Roll Orgasm: Oh baby oh yeah, oh baby...... !!!

11. Heavy Metal Orgasm: Yaa Come on Honey.... F**k me hard... Yeahh Babby !!..... come on...... !!!

12. Grand Maratha Orgasm: Aai Ga... aayi aaayi... Aaayiii gaa...... !!!

13. Parsi Orgasm: Oh mummy mummy mummy...... !!!

14. Gujju Orgasm: Oh Bhagwan... mari gai... mari gai... aaahh...... !!!

15. South Indian Orgasm: Aaiiyo... Aaiiyo... Aaiyayyooo...... !!!

16. Bong Orgasm: Oodi baba! Ooooddddiiiiiii baaaa baaaba...... !!!

17. Rajasthani Orgasm: O Thaari...... !!!

18. Punjabi Orgasm: Chal utar ja kaminey, mainu hor vi kaam HAIN !

Submitted By : aarav singh
Place : new delhi
9 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   1 Votes


Aug
13
2014

Non-Veg tym Veg kripya door rahe


Non-Veg tym, Veg. kripya? door rahe.......
Cannot beat this one.

Ek ladki ki shadi papu se tay ho gayi. Lekin uska already dusre ladke se affair chal raha tha.

Boy: tujhe papu se shadi karni hai to kar le koi problem nahi hai. Bas ek baar mere se sax krwa le. Bohot kharcha ho gaya hai tujhe ghumaane me.

Ladki maan gayi aur sex ka din aur time decide ho gaya. Sex se just pehle ladke ko yaad aaya k condom to ghar pe hi bhool gaya. Usne ladki ko plastic ki theli laga k sex kr diya. Sex k baad pata chala k theli ladki ki vgina me hi reh gayi.

Finally ladki ki shadi hui. Suhagraat par jaise hi papu ne apna penis daala aur jhatkey marey to theli bahar aa gayi.
Ladki ki gaand fat k haath me aa gayi.
Fir bhi badi himmat kar ke wo boli: dekhte kya ho ji? tumhe nahi pata, pahli baar sex krte waqt aisi jhilli fat ke bahar aati hai.

Papu ne theli ko dekha aur fir ladki ki taraf dekha.

Ladki: mera vishwaas karo ji. Main sach keh rahi hu aisa hota hai? aap kya soch rahe ho???

Papu: wo sab to theek hai bhenchod?. Main ye soch raha hu????. is par

?AGARWAL SWEETS kyu likha hua hai??????
???

Submitted By : J.MAHI
Place : mumbai
10 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   2 Votes


Jul
19
2014

I bet u havent heard this one This is damn funny


I bet u haven't heard this one... This is damn funny...??

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 47, "the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you.

"While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.

"They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

He bounces and weighs each breast.

He gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says,"Okay, okay,...how old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's...!!!"
??????

Submitted By : Macc
Place : Thane
20 Likes
4 Dislikes
Rating :   11 Votes


Jul
19
2014

Solid sexy example for financial management


.. Solid sexy example for financial management.....

Ek baar vijay apne friend kallu k ghar Taash khelne gya..

Vijay , kallu aur kallu ki Modern Biwi taash khel rahe thee tab vijay ka 1 patta table ke niche gira..

Vijay patta uthaane k liye table k niche jhuka to Saamne kallu ki biwi apni Chhoti Skirt me se Pussy pe Ungliya Ghuma rahi thii..?

Yeg dekh ke vijay ka pasina aa gaya aur mann machal utha..

Table k upar aane k baad kallu ki biwi vijay ko ishaara kiya aur kitchen me paani ka bahaana kar ke chal di..

Us k pichhe vijay bhi paani ka bahaana kar k chala gaya.

Kitchen me..

Kallu ki biwi: "Kya dekha tumne?"

Vijay : "Wahi jo tumne dikhaya."

Biwi: "Lena chahoge?"

Vijay : "Zaroor"..

Biwi: '50,000/- lagega.."

Ab vijay apni Financial situation nhi hone se soch me pad gaya..
aur thodi der baad bola:"Theek hai,
kal shaam ko aaunga.."

Dusre din shaam ko vijay aaya..

Aur khoob Jam k Kallu ki biwi ki Thukaiiiii kar ke Haalat Kharaab kar di,
aur 50,000 de k Nikal gaya..

Raat ko kallu ghar pahucha to biwi se bola: vijay aaya thaa na?"

Ab to bechari k pasine chhut gaye aur bol diya:
"Haa Aaya thaa".

Thodi der baad biwi ne puchha:"Aisa kyo puchha?"

Kallu: "Bas..
Vijay Aaj Subah mujhse 50000 Udhaar le gaya thaa...
Bola Shaam ko Ghar pe Bhabhi ji ko De jaunga..."??????
??? jaldi forward karo kadhai she nikla ek dam fresh hai

Submitted By : Macc
Place : Thane
20 Likes
1 Dislikes
Rating :   11 Votes


Jul
19
2014

Sunny Leone goes to a shopping mall and


Sunny Leone goes to a shopping mall and
selects clothes.
She asks the sales man:
"Where's trial room??
Salesman: Madam, Ab Humse kya chupana,
40 GB ka collection hain aapka humare paas.. ?????

Submitted By : Macc
Place : Thane
13 Likes
2 Dislikes
Rating :   4 Votes


Jul
16
2014

Murjhaye Hue Phool Achhe Nahi Lagte


Murjhaye Hue Phool Achhe Nahi Lagte..
Aap Lund Khujate Achhe Nahi Lagte..

Koi To Patalo Ladki Ab Meri Jaan..
Roz Bathroom Mein Hilaate Achhe Nahi Lagte !!

Submitted By : Akash Pushkar
Place : mumbai
19 Likes
3 Dislikes
Rating :   23 Votes


Jul
16
2014

TEACHER Board pe


TEACHER Board pe
likh rahi thi,

Achanak !!

BITTU-
Madam Aapka WHISPER
niche gir gaya.

TEACHER ne ghabra ke niche dekha aur BITTU ko zor Se thappad mara aur kaha -

haramzaade isse DUSTER kehte hai.. !!

Submitted By : sam
Place : mumbai
40 Likes
7 Dislikes
Rating :   28 Votes