Adult Jokes

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I bet u havent heard this one This is damn funny

I bet u haven't heard this one... This is damn funny...??

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 47, "the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you.

"While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was.

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.

"They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

He bounces and weighs each breast.

He gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says,"Okay, okay, old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's...!!!"

Submitted By : Macc
Place : Thane
3 Dislikes
Rating :   6 Votes


Solid sexy example for financial management

.. Solid sexy example for financial management.....

Ek baar vijay apne friend kallu k ghar Taash khelne gya..

Vijay , kallu aur kallu ki Modern Biwi taash khel rahe thee tab vijay ka 1 patta table ke niche gira..

Vijay patta uthaane k liye table k niche jhuka to Saamne kallu ki biwi apni Chhoti Skirt me se Pussy pe Ungliya Ghuma rahi thii..?

Yeg dekh ke vijay ka pasina aa gaya aur mann machal utha..

Table k upar aane k baad kallu ki biwi vijay ko ishaara kiya aur kitchen me paani ka bahaana kar ke chal di..

Us k pichhe vijay bhi paani ka bahaana kar k chala gaya.

Kitchen me..

Kallu ki biwi: "Kya dekha tumne?"

Vijay : "Wahi jo tumne dikhaya."

Biwi: "Lena chahoge?"

Vijay : "Zaroor"..

Biwi: '50,000/- lagega.."

Ab vijay apni Financial situation nhi hone se soch me pad gaya..
aur thodi der baad bola:"Theek hai,
kal shaam ko aaunga.."

Dusre din shaam ko vijay aaya..

Aur khoob Jam k Kallu ki biwi ki Thukaiiiii kar ke Haalat Kharaab kar di,
aur 50,000 de k Nikal gaya..

Raat ko kallu ghar pahucha to biwi se bola: vijay aaya thaa na?"

Ab to bechari k pasine chhut gaye aur bol diya:
"Haa Aaya thaa".

Thodi der baad biwi ne puchha:"Aisa kyo puchha?"

Kallu: "Bas..
Vijay Aaj Subah mujhse 50000 Udhaar le gaya thaa...
Bola Shaam ko Ghar pe Bhabhi ji ko De jaunga..."??????
??? jaldi forward karo kadhai she nikla ek dam fresh hai

Submitted By : Macc
Place : Thane
1 Dislikes
Rating :   4 Votes


Sunny Leone goes to a shopping mall and

Sunny Leone goes to a shopping mall and
selects clothes.
She asks the sales man:
"Where's trial room??
Salesman: Madam, Ab Humse kya chupana,
40 GB ka collection hain aapka humare paas.. ?????

Submitted By : Macc
Place : Thane
1 Dislikes
Rating :   2 Votes


Murjhaye Hue Phool Achhe Nahi Lagte

Murjhaye Hue Phool Achhe Nahi Lagte..
Aap Lund Khujate Achhe Nahi Lagte..

Koi To Patalo Ladki Ab Meri Jaan..
Roz Bathroom Mein Hilaate Achhe Nahi Lagte !!

Submitted By : Akash Pushkar
Place : mumbai
3 Dislikes
Rating :   18 Votes


TEACHER Board pe

TEACHER Board pe
likh rahi thi,

Achanak !!

Madam Aapka WHISPER
niche gir gaya.

TEACHER ne ghabra ke niche dekha aur BITTU ko zor Se thappad mara aur kaha -

haramzaade isse DUSTER kehte hai.. !!

Submitted By : sam
Place : mumbai
6 Dislikes
Rating :   25 Votes


Teacher to Student - What is similarity

Teacher to Student - What is similarity
between girl and wire.
?????????????????? any one know
me to teacher ;: Dono nangi ho to jaan
nikaal deti hain.=))

Submitted By : Deep
Place : Jalandhar
4 Dislikes
Rating :   10 Votes


Son- Mummy aap papa ke upar baith kar jump Q

Son:- Mummy aap papa ke upar baith kar jump Q karti ho ?
Mom:- Unke pet ki hawa nikalti hoon.
Son:- Kya fayda,kaamwali aunty papa ki pant utarkar muh lagakar phir se bhar deti hai... ?????????? Pota:- Dadaji ye condom kya hota hai?
Dadaji:- Chal Bhag, Mujhe Nahi Pata.
Pota:- Main Janta tha Buddhe, Tujhe pata hota to aaj PROPERTY ke 14 hisse nahi hote..
???????????????????? Santa Kamwali ko chhed raha tha.
Kamwali:- Battamizi mat kar, MOR bana dungi.
Santa:- Murga banate suna tha. Mor kaise banate hai.
Kamwali:- Gand me ulti zadu daal ke.
???????????????????? A lady lost her Panties in the park. She made her Dog smell her Pussy and to go and search for it.
The Confused Dog came back with Dozens of Used Condoms.!
?????????? Question:- Why Do Girls Put On Weight After sex ?
Ans:- Coz every banana has 108 calories..
?????????? Ek baar ek aadmi ke PENIS pe madhu makkhi kaat gayi. He goes to DR with his wife.
Wife sharmate hue:- "Sirf Dard ki Dawa Dena' Sujan Rehne Dena
?????????? Sindhi's Son:- Papa meri dur ki nazar
kharab ho gayi hai, naye SPECS banwa do... !
Sindhi:- bahar chal, woh kya hai aasman mai?
Sindhi's son:- Papa woh chand hai.
Sindhi:- Isse dur kya bhenchod pariyo ki gaand dekhega???
?????????? Teacher:- What is the opposite of laughing?
Pappu:- Fucking !
Teacher:- How is that ?
Pappu: Laughing is ha ha ha ha and fucking is ah ah ah ah!!! ????????

Submitted By : Govind singh
Place : Kanpur
1 Dislikes
Rating :   45 Votes


Doctor Sorry Reports got mixed up

Doctor : Sorry ! Reports got mixed up.
We don't know if your wife has
Husband : Now what ?
Doctor : Send her for jogging.
If she returns,
don't fuck her... ??

Submitted By : Rajnish pathak
Place : mumbai
3 Dislikes
Rating :   13 Votes